Okay, let me tell you a little story.
So back in college I was dating this guy. He is, without a doubt, one of the nicest, most kind guys I've ever had in my life. My friends liked him, my parents loved him, and he was totally someone I could have married in the long run.
One night we were lying on his bed and watching TV. Both of us jokingly kept stealing the remote and changing the channel. It was a little game that still makes me laugh when I think about it. He leaned over the bed to grab something and I took my chance to steal the remote back. He saw my hand out of the corner of my eye reach for the remote and jerked back, intending to stop me. Unfortunately I was lying directly behind him and BAM! His head met my eye.
And holy hell did that hurt. I thought my eye was going to explode.
Immediately he freaked out: "I'm so sorry, baby! Oh my God, I didn't mean to - I didn't even know your head was right there! Jesus, you can have the remote! Put on whatever you want - I'm so fucking sorry!"
I ended up laughing because it was clearly an accident. He didn't lose his temper, didn't mean me harm, and certainly didn't do it on purpose. He looked ready to cry - something I had never seen and didn't want to - so I assured him it was totally okay. I'd live. Milked it a little bit and he totally ordered me a pizza. He felt guilty the rest of the night, but I was over it before he even said sorry.
The next morning, however, was not a good one. I woke up to a mighty fine shiner - one that was hard to even hide with make-up. I was still living at my parents' house so when I got up to explain what happened, my father saw my face before I had a chance to open my mouth. Now, my daddy is the best man I know and I've never seen him lay a hand on anyone. However, he jumped out of his favorite chair and stormed towards the door, saying he was going to kill my boyfriend. My mother stared at me with so much anger, I could hardly recognize her. She was so angry on my behalf that she wouldn't listen to me try to explain anything.
I calmed down them down, explained the truth of the situation, and eventually they believed me. They weren't happy, but they realized it was an accident. However, my father said something that stuck with me: "You don't have to protect him, you know?"
So why is this story relevant to this book?
It Ends with Us tackles a subject matter of domestic violence in a way I haven't seen it handled yet. It's felt like, to me, this type of thing has always been seen as either black or white. The abuse is so over the top that the character leaves immediately or they stay until the inevitable thing happens.
This book was a slow burn.
It Ends with Us follows Lily Bloom, a girl from a rough childhood. Growing up in a small town, she lived with her violent father and battered mother. She understood what her father was doing was wrong, wanted to help, but she couldn't help a woman that didn't want to help herself. Her mother never left. Meanwhile, she fell in love with the homeless boy in the area. He was kicked out of his home and living in an abandoned house and she wanted to help him as best as she could. Before she knew it, their bond was forged greater than steel and she loved Atlas with everything in her.
Now, years later, she's dealing with her father's death and trying to find her place in the world. How does she move on after living in an abusive household? In comes Ryle, a brilliant neurosurgeon that's hell bent on not having a relationship. He's too smart, too driven, to be distracted by lady business.
Too bad for him Lily is exactly what he ends up needing.
They fall in love - hard - and before long everything is perfect. Until it isn't.
The summary is very cursory and doesn't tell you much. I think that helped me experience this on a deep level. This book hurt to read it. It made me mad, sad, and everything in between.
I didn't know how to feel half the time.
"How could she love him after what he did to her? How could she contemplate taking him back?"
It's sad that those are the first thoughts that run through our minds when someone is abused. Shouldn't there be more distaste in our mouths for the abusers than for those who continue to love the abusers?
And that right there is the crux of this book. This ran through my head throughout the book - the first part - because I feel confident that I would leave the second someone hit me. However, I never have been hit. The above instance with my boyfriend was just an accident, but my family immediately jumped to my defense ready to defend me. Ready to help me. Ready to protect me. I come from a family where hitting wasn't okay and was told that if I ever got in a fighting situation that I should run. Violence isn't the answer and pride isn't worth letting someone hurt me.
I think the reason we tend to focus more on the people that stay is because we feel closer to the victim than the abuser. We don't think of ourselves as villains, but we could see ourselves as the victim and we know we would walk away.
But would we?
I think this book brings up valid points that everyone - men and women - should consider and think about. I hope people read this with an open mind, and listen to Lily as she goes on this journey. It's messy and sad and messed up and not fun and happy and anger and everything in between.
That's not to say this book only touches on that subject matter because it goes even deeper.
Major spoilers! Proceed with caution!
Atlas, Atlas, Atlas.
Reading about him as a teenager HURT! He gets kicked out of his house, made to feel like he's nothing, and then he meets Lily who changes his life. She literally changes everything about it. She shows him kindness when there was none and friendship when he desperately needed someone. He was ashamed and embarrassed and it hurt me so much to read about him.
This moment: "Being so sick and not having a bathroom or a bed or a house or a mother."
When you're stripped bare of things that make us modern humans, what are you? Ugh, this made me cry.
And then this fucking happened: "He said the first night he went to that old house, he wasn't there because he needed a place to stay. He went there to kill himself."
"'You saved my life, Lily,' he said to me. 'And you weren't even trying.'"
How do you respond to that? That would be one of the scariest, most amazing, most heartbreaking compliments I think a person could ever receive. That you were so influential on a person that you kept them from taking their own life. That you gave them a reason to stay.
Then Atlas goes on to say: "'In the future...if by some miracle you ever find yourself in the position to fall in love again...fall in love with me.'"
Dammit, Atlas.
I fell in love with this character. And he's fucking good enough. He is. You are, Atlas!
End spoilers!
That right there is why I loved that book.
You'll fall in love, you'll hate, and you'll feel. Because that's what book will do to you. Colleen Hoover explains after the book ends how important and personal it is for her - and that's effing brave.
I think people should read this book.
Final rating: 5 stars
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